"don't hurry...you are going to live forever-somewhere. In fact, you are in eternity now: so why rush? Don't worry. You belong to God, and God is Love: so why fret? Don't Condemn. As you cannot get under the other fellow's skin, you cannot possibly know what difficulties he has had to meet-how much temptation, or misunderstanding, or stupidity. You are not perfect yourself and might be much worse in his shoes. Don't resent. If wrong has been done, the Great Law will surely take care of it. Rise up in consciousness and set both yourself and the delinquent free. Forgiveness is the strongest medicine."
For there is no power but of God (Romans 13:1) E. Fox
Sometimes...not understanding has to be enough...but when you have the heart of a lion it is virtually impossible to not crave that which is most natural...life...love...learning...
jwcIII
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Dear Dad,
Today is Mom's birthday...where you are we don't know...but we miss you and love you so very much...I continue to learn in your absence...I continue to honor your memory...you have a special place in my heart...everyday I look forward to teaching Addy the same lessons that you and mom taught me...while it saddens me that she will never be able to sit upon your lap and flash her grin at you I know she knows you...she feels your warmth and love...
I've learned that forgiveness, no matter whether you are giving or receiving is a great event...a little goes along way...I pray that you find your way...I pray that you are well...
Always...your humble son,
Joseph
I've learned that forgiveness, no matter whether you are giving or receiving is a great event...a little goes along way...I pray that you find your way...I pray that you are well...
Always...your humble son,
Joseph
Monday, October 26, 2009
I know that...
...this March will be four years since Dad passed...and still I find myself trying to digest life without him...he was my father and my brother and for the time we had together...I am thankful...
...there are things in life that occur...things that involve free will...they aren't always easy to swallow and they mean different things to different people...sometimes you just have to savor life...no matter what...
...you could use any metaphor...but it's much like wine tasting...some appeal to your palate more than others...but if you drink enough...it all has the same affect...lol...right...
...have a great day...I am :)
jwcIII
...there are things in life that occur...things that involve free will...they aren't always easy to swallow and they mean different things to different people...sometimes you just have to savor life...no matter what...
...you could use any metaphor...but it's much like wine tasting...some appeal to your palate more than others...but if you drink enough...it all has the same affect...lol...right...
...have a great day...I am :)
jwcIII
Thursday, June 18, 2009
In time...
...you should realize that it is okay to be happy...to enjoy life for what it is...and isn't...grief can blur the lines of reality to such a point of disorientation it is almost unbelievable...but don't let grief rule your life...no matter what it's genesis may be...if you doubt...have hope...find a way where there isn't a path...and walk...you don't have to run...just move...and in time you'll feel that cool breeze that you miss and desire...
...this weekend is a special weekend for me...a weekend where I celebrate all of the joys and the simple realities of being a father...a weekend when I honor the memory of my father...a man who taught me as much after he passed as he did when he was alive...
...I suppose...sometimes it's the lessons we learn in silence that are the most profound...I'd like to think that I deal with change...better than most...but even I have my moments...and even I am still learning...but I am hopeful...and optimistic...words that have...at times seemed completely foreign...but not today...or tomorrow... :)
jwcIII
...this weekend is a special weekend for me...a weekend where I celebrate all of the joys and the simple realities of being a father...a weekend when I honor the memory of my father...a man who taught me as much after he passed as he did when he was alive...
...I suppose...sometimes it's the lessons we learn in silence that are the most profound...I'd like to think that I deal with change...better than most...but even I have my moments...and even I am still learning...but I am hopeful...and optimistic...words that have...at times seemed completely foreign...but not today...or tomorrow... :)
jwcIII
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
So...
...in the last 30 years I’ve been fortunate to meet thousands of people...I remember hundreds of them...we all have images...memories that are dear to us...memories created by encounters...acquaintances, friends, and family...memories that engage our souls...memories that haunt us...there are those that prefer to keep them private...I however am not that person...nor do I believe I ever will be...I can tell you that in the last three years since my father has passed I have had more poignant moments...more moments that made me take a breath and look around than in the 28 years before...and it’s a gift...a high price for such important life lessons...so...tomorrow when you wake up...wake up 5 minutes late...or 5 minutes early...sit out front as the cold dew fades to warmth...watch the stars fade and the sun rise...remember...how small we all truly are...what is truly important to you...and live life...for what it is...too short...but oh so sweet...
jwcIII
jwcIII
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Grief has the...
...capacity to have two significant affects on the human soul. The first, is the obvious, it can completely paralyze you; however, the second, is the unexpected. Those who have lived through grief...whether it is one significant event or a chain reaction of events that occur for a prolonged period of time can attest to this...
...Grief has the capacity to empower you...you see...grief can be a tool...a source...those who have lived it can tell you...grief can be the fiercest source of energy known to man...if you can harness it as I have...there isn't anything you can't accomplish...this doesn't happen over a day or a week...this takes time...practice...discipline...and committment...it is a hard road...but for me it was my way out...
...but, what do you do in between...before you get to this point...how do you survive...how do you cope...where is your lifeline...is it your friends...your family...work...? How to manage the grief is the problem...but here's the thing...the solution for me...will not be the exact solution for you...grief...like love is very much like a snow flake...no two match...
...grief is disorienting...disorienting isn't a word professionals discuss on a regular basis...we deal with grief in the "short-term", but this is where grief does it's damage...the day my father died...I was in shock...it was as if time itself slowed...people didn't walk as fast...or talk as fast...the wind felt different on my face...the sun hit my eyes with a glare that was foreign to me...
...Heather would later tell me that she felt as though I died the day my father died...she was right...I hated that she was right, I hated that I knew life as I imagined it...as I dreamed about for decades was gone...just like that...never would it be the same...you see...my fatal mistake was that I never planned on not having Dad in my life...and why should I imagine such influential and loving person not in my life...it is quite possible that it was the first and only time in my life that I had been a blind optimist...
...and so there I was...grieving...not knowing that I was sick inside...dead to the world...not understanding the symptoms...lost...and not found...I can not tell you the day I realized I was in over my head...but I can describe to you how I didn't feel...how I felt as though I had been hit over the head and woke up in a box void of light or air...complete isolation and darkness...
...those who were closest to me were the first to be pushed away..."they didn't understand" I thought...but truth is...it wouldn't have mattered what they said or did...I was in a storm...cut off...left to fend for myself in a battle that I wasn't prepared for...a battle that would forever change, not only how I view the world...but how I view myself...
jwcIII
...Grief has the capacity to empower you...you see...grief can be a tool...a source...those who have lived it can tell you...grief can be the fiercest source of energy known to man...if you can harness it as I have...there isn't anything you can't accomplish...this doesn't happen over a day or a week...this takes time...practice...discipline...and committment...it is a hard road...but for me it was my way out...
...but, what do you do in between...before you get to this point...how do you survive...how do you cope...where is your lifeline...is it your friends...your family...work...? How to manage the grief is the problem...but here's the thing...the solution for me...will not be the exact solution for you...grief...like love is very much like a snow flake...no two match...
...grief is disorienting...disorienting isn't a word professionals discuss on a regular basis...we deal with grief in the "short-term", but this is where grief does it's damage...the day my father died...I was in shock...it was as if time itself slowed...people didn't walk as fast...or talk as fast...the wind felt different on my face...the sun hit my eyes with a glare that was foreign to me...
...Heather would later tell me that she felt as though I died the day my father died...she was right...I hated that she was right, I hated that I knew life as I imagined it...as I dreamed about for decades was gone...just like that...never would it be the same...you see...my fatal mistake was that I never planned on not having Dad in my life...and why should I imagine such influential and loving person not in my life...it is quite possible that it was the first and only time in my life that I had been a blind optimist...
...and so there I was...grieving...not knowing that I was sick inside...dead to the world...not understanding the symptoms...lost...and not found...I can not tell you the day I realized I was in over my head...but I can describe to you how I didn't feel...how I felt as though I had been hit over the head and woke up in a box void of light or air...complete isolation and darkness...
...those who were closest to me were the first to be pushed away..."they didn't understand" I thought...but truth is...it wouldn't have mattered what they said or did...I was in a storm...cut off...left to fend for myself in a battle that I wasn't prepared for...a battle that would forever change, not only how I view the world...but how I view myself...
jwcIII
Saturday, June 6, 2009
I wanted...
...to share with ya'll what I had written for my father's memorial service...the service was held on April 1st, 2006 and there wasn't anything funny about that day in the least...in all honesty I had always enjoyed a good "April Fools" and for now that would have to wait...
...funny thing about mourning the loss of a loved one is that the funeral really isn't completely about the person who has died...I believe...in all honesty that the funeral is for those of us left behind...something to keep us busy as grief sets in it's grip on our lives...the living...
jwcIII
...funny thing about mourning the loss of a loved one is that the funeral really isn't completely about the person who has died...I believe...in all honesty that the funeral is for those of us left behind...something to keep us busy as grief sets in it's grip on our lives...the living...
03-31-06
On behalf of Dad...Mom and I would like to thank everyone for coming...Dad wasn't big on funerals so here we are...remembering him with a memorial...not something we had planned this weekend...but then who ever does...Dad left us suddenly on Wednesday...and while we know that he didn't suffer...none of us were ready to say good bye...and while the truth is that we probably never would have been ready...every one's support this week has made a world of difference...for that we thank you all...
Dad was a family man...a hard working man...and to know him was loving him...simple as that...if you knew him chances are your learned something from him...his personality was contagious...he just had a way about him...he was a role model for my 28 years and I'd imagine some of you feel the same way...While I grew up in a large family...growing up as an only child you initially feel isolated...2 against 1...mom and dad...they were a hard pair to divide and conquer...but a task a 5 year old boy was always willing to take on...as the years past...things changed...the parents and son became more than just a family...they became friends...something that truthfully doesn't happen as much as it should...that is a testament to my parents relationship...they loved and cared for each other for 41 years...
I would tease Dad...41 years..."that's a long time...how do you do it that long"...he would smile and say something like "one day at a time," truth was he loved mom more and more everyday...his eyes didn't lie...
While there are many stories spanning many decades...Dad wanted a short service...so I'm going to share a conversation that Dad and I had last year...In March of 74" Dad made a contribution...his father had been a physician and while Dad pursued a career in Engineering and construction he wanted to make his contribution...so he made the commitment to donate his body to science...I tried to talk him out of it...my last effort went something like this..."Dad...don't you think I've made enough contributions in your name..."he softly, but adamantly reminded me "that it was his contribution...not mine"...something that we were proud to honor this week...one last gift from a man who gave more of himself...than he did for himself...Dad was more laid back than I was...probably because he had a couple of years experience on me...he would tell me I needed to be more patient...and often I would hear him say..."Does it really matter"...something we will continue to live by...Take care Dad..."we'll see ya when we see ya," god bless you dad...from all of your family and friends...you touched us all...
jwcIII
Friday, June 5, 2009
I never knew...
...I really didn't realize what was happening...for me...it hit me like a Class 5 Hurricane...by the time I realized how the death of my father was affecting me my marriage was in shambles...my heart was colder than an Antarctic winter...it was all I could do to understand my right from my left...
...I never knew how grief could affect someone...I could tell you the five stages of grief...I could recite them backwards and forwards...I could tell you about the lives I had watched pass before me...I could tell you about the "death cry"...the shrill cries I've heard time and time again...I could tell you about the loved ones I had lost and how it affected me...but until March 29th, 2006 I couldn't tell you how it felt to live it...truly live grief...it sounds like an oxymoron and in many ways it is...but for the last three years...it has been my struggle...my battle with life...
...I never knew how quickly life could change...not first hand...I never knew what it was to see your best friend and father laying lifeless on a hospital stretcher...I never knew what it was to watch my mother mourn the loss of her husband and best friend...to stand by as she rubbed his hand one last time...to stand by as she buried her head in my chest and just sobbed...
...Today is a new day...for me...the most important thing about my past...is not that I learn from my mistakes...nor is it that I don't repeat my mistakes...the most important thing for me...today...is to convey what I experienced over these last three years...the ins and the outs...what I did right...what I did wrong...and what I would do differently...for me...I believe that if I can help one soul know what I didn't...if I can help one soul understand what they are feeling so that they don't have to live the turmoil that I have weathered...than it will have not been for naught...
...Today is the beginning of a story...about a young man who woke up one day not knowing that how he perceived the world would change time and time again...so much that he would become disoriented to the point of breaking...this is my story...and I hope you can find the peace that I have fought so hard for...in this world of chaos and suffering...I hope you can find peace...
jwcIII
...I never knew how grief could affect someone...I could tell you the five stages of grief...I could recite them backwards and forwards...I could tell you about the lives I had watched pass before me...I could tell you about the "death cry"...the shrill cries I've heard time and time again...I could tell you about the loved ones I had lost and how it affected me...but until March 29th, 2006 I couldn't tell you how it felt to live it...truly live grief...it sounds like an oxymoron and in many ways it is...but for the last three years...it has been my struggle...my battle with life...
...I never knew how quickly life could change...not first hand...I never knew what it was to see your best friend and father laying lifeless on a hospital stretcher...I never knew what it was to watch my mother mourn the loss of her husband and best friend...to stand by as she rubbed his hand one last time...to stand by as she buried her head in my chest and just sobbed...
...Today is a new day...for me...the most important thing about my past...is not that I learn from my mistakes...nor is it that I don't repeat my mistakes...the most important thing for me...today...is to convey what I experienced over these last three years...the ins and the outs...what I did right...what I did wrong...and what I would do differently...for me...I believe that if I can help one soul know what I didn't...if I can help one soul understand what they are feeling so that they don't have to live the turmoil that I have weathered...than it will have not been for naught...
...Today is the beginning of a story...about a young man who woke up one day not knowing that how he perceived the world would change time and time again...so much that he would become disoriented to the point of breaking...this is my story...and I hope you can find the peace that I have fought so hard for...in this world of chaos and suffering...I hope you can find peace...
jwcIII
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Yesterday I had time...
June 3rd, 2009
...to swing by Henrico County's Juvenile Court for a change of address motion...It was actually my first time there since all of my custody issues were handled in Circuit Court. It's like any other government court building though...concrete...bricks...and grass...
...I parked and emptied my pockets of everything except my license and my key...no need to empty my pockets at the metal detector...as I walked in I could feel the energy...the deputies were laid back, but not enough to not notice that I had emptied my pockets before entering..."no wallet"...I was surprised..."nope...left it in the car..."he nodded in acceptance and I walked through the tube and picked up my belongings...
...the court was packed...dockets on the walls for each court room were heavy...as I navigated through the sea of individuals lawyers conversed with their clients...it was painfully obvious how most if not all of these people felt...
...you see no one likes to fight over children...but children...well...there isn't a greater blessing or responsibility than raising a child of your own...so life happens while we make other plans...and marriages and relationships fail...when this happens this is where you end up if you can't communicate...if you can't work through your differences...
...my best advice...having lived through a custody battle that tortured my soul and tested the limits of everything I knew to be real...put your child first...no matter what...love your child...and hug them and kiss them as much as possible and know that life has a way of working itself out...sometimes it just takes time...understand that mountains can't be moved in a day...no matter what...love your child...
...As for us...Addy had her 2 Year checkup yesterday and is doing great...the brightest light in my World...she is a student and a teacher and everyday I am amazed at how being a Dad makes this young man feel...thankful...humbled...blessed...
jwcIII
...to swing by Henrico County's Juvenile Court for a change of address motion...It was actually my first time there since all of my custody issues were handled in Circuit Court. It's like any other government court building though...concrete...bricks...and grass...
...I parked and emptied my pockets of everything except my license and my key...no need to empty my pockets at the metal detector...as I walked in I could feel the energy...the deputies were laid back, but not enough to not notice that I had emptied my pockets before entering..."no wallet"...I was surprised..."nope...left it in the car..."he nodded in acceptance and I walked through the tube and picked up my belongings...
...the court was packed...dockets on the walls for each court room were heavy...as I navigated through the sea of individuals lawyers conversed with their clients...it was painfully obvious how most if not all of these people felt...
...you see no one likes to fight over children...but children...well...there isn't a greater blessing or responsibility than raising a child of your own...so life happens while we make other plans...and marriages and relationships fail...when this happens this is where you end up if you can't communicate...if you can't work through your differences...
...my best advice...having lived through a custody battle that tortured my soul and tested the limits of everything I knew to be real...put your child first...no matter what...love your child...and hug them and kiss them as much as possible and know that life has a way of working itself out...sometimes it just takes time...understand that mountains can't be moved in a day...no matter what...love your child...
...As for us...Addy had her 2 Year checkup yesterday and is doing great...the brightest light in my World...she is a student and a teacher and everyday I am amazed at how being a Dad makes this young man feel...thankful...humbled...blessed...
jwcIII
Monday, June 1, 2009
It isn't everyday...
...that you see a firefighter with 28 years of experience retire...a man unique and spontaneous unto himself...a man that was quoted as saying "he did things his way...", but today is one of those days...a rarity that I was fortunate enough to witness...
...the work that firefighters do is a mystery to many of those outside of our family...individuals who are part of a greater cause...who give and give and give...because it comes naturally to us...it is a blessing and a gift to be part of such a fraternity...
...today...in Henrico, Virginia one of the greats retired..."no need to leave your boots behind Jimmy...no one could fill them if they tried" said Danny B.
...today...Jimmy Mac retired...and as his last call went out...we stood in silence...listening...as each station responded...today was the end of an era...proof of the difference one soul can make...
...tomorrow...life will go on...life around the fire station may be a bit quieter...but when the call goes out...we will answer...as our brothers and sisters in this unique family have done for generations...you see...once you are a member of the fire service...you don't ever retire...you only move on...
...tomorrow we will continue with our traditions...we will continue to evolve as an organization and a family...passing on what we have learned to those who will carry on the traditions that make this line of work more than a job...but a way of life...passing on what Jimmy taught us...living by the golden rule...and making a difference...one difference at a time...
jwcIII
...the work that firefighters do is a mystery to many of those outside of our family...individuals who are part of a greater cause...who give and give and give...because it comes naturally to us...it is a blessing and a gift to be part of such a fraternity...
...today...in Henrico, Virginia one of the greats retired..."no need to leave your boots behind Jimmy...no one could fill them if they tried" said Danny B.
...today...Jimmy Mac retired...and as his last call went out...we stood in silence...listening...as each station responded...today was the end of an era...proof of the difference one soul can make...
...tomorrow...life will go on...life around the fire station may be a bit quieter...but when the call goes out...we will answer...as our brothers and sisters in this unique family have done for generations...you see...once you are a member of the fire service...you don't ever retire...you only move on...
...tomorrow we will continue with our traditions...we will continue to evolve as an organization and a family...passing on what we have learned to those who will carry on the traditions that make this line of work more than a job...but a way of life...passing on what Jimmy taught us...living by the golden rule...and making a difference...one difference at a time...
jwcIII
Joe Carney's - Life in Progress
June 1st, 2009
For most people...today is just another day...but for me...today is about a revelation...a moment of stillness that came over me yesterday while caring for a sick child...a moment that has changed everything for me...as if my vision had been skewed for all of these years...a moment that brought me to tears and filled my soul with emotion...emotion that I believed was long since foreign to my cause...my beliefs...an emotion I believed I had lost 3 years ago...for good...but because of what I felt...what I now know...I am forever indebted to this young man...he will never know how profoundly he affected me...how he touched my soul without a word...opened his heart and let me into his world...for this...I am thankful...and for this I am humbled...
jwcIII
For most people...today is just another day...but for me...today is about a revelation...a moment of stillness that came over me yesterday while caring for a sick child...a moment that has changed everything for me...as if my vision had been skewed for all of these years...a moment that brought me to tears and filled my soul with emotion...emotion that I believed was long since foreign to my cause...my beliefs...an emotion I believed I had lost 3 years ago...for good...but because of what I felt...what I now know...I am forever indebted to this young man...he will never know how profoundly he affected me...how he touched my soul without a word...opened his heart and let me into his world...for this...I am thankful...and for this I am humbled...
jwcIII
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