Today I reflect upon this...

"don't hurry...you are going to live forever-somewhere. In fact, you are in eternity now: so why rush? Don't worry. You belong to God, and God is Love: so why fret? Don't Condemn. As you cannot get under the other fellow's skin, you cannot possibly know what difficulties he has had to meet-how much temptation, or misunderstanding, or stupidity. You are not perfect yourself and might be much worse in his shoes. Don't resent. If wrong has been done, the Great Law will surely take care of it. Rise up in consciousness and set both yourself and the delinquent free. Forgiveness is the strongest medicine."

For there is no power but of God (Romans 13:1) E. Fox

Sometimes...not understanding has to be enough...but when you have the heart of a lion it is virtually impossible to not crave that which is most natural...life...love...learning...

jwcIII

Dear Dad,

Today is Mom's birthday...where you are we don't know...but we miss you and love you so very much...I continue to learn in your absence...I continue to honor your memory...you have a special place in my heart...everyday I look forward to teaching Addy the same lessons that you and mom taught me...while it saddens me that she will never be able to sit upon your lap and flash her grin at you I know she knows you...she feels your warmth and love...

I've learned that forgiveness, no matter whether you are giving or receiving is a great event...a little goes along way...I pray that you find your way...I pray that you are well...

Always...your humble son,

Joseph

I know that...

...this March will be four years since Dad passed...and still I find myself trying to digest life without him...he was my father and my brother and for the time we had together...I am thankful...

...there are things in life that occur...things that involve free will...they aren't always easy to swallow and they mean different things to different people...sometimes you just have to savor life...no matter what...

...you could use any metaphor...but it's much like wine tasting...some appeal to your palate more than others...but if you drink enough...it all has the same affect...lol...right...

...have a great day...I am :)

jwcIII

In time...

...you should realize that it is okay to be happy...to enjoy life for what it is...and isn't...grief can blur the lines of reality to such a point of disorientation it is almost unbelievable...but don't let grief rule your life...no matter what it's genesis may be...if you doubt...have hope...find a way where there isn't a path...and walk...you don't have to run...just move...and in time you'll feel that cool breeze that you miss and desire...

...this weekend is a special weekend for me...a weekend where I celebrate all of the joys and the simple realities of being a father...a weekend when I honor the memory of my father...a man who taught me as much after he passed as he did when he was alive...

...I suppose...sometimes it's the lessons we learn in silence that are the most profound...I'd like to think that I deal with change...better than most...but even I have my moments...and even I am still learning...but I am hopeful...and optimistic...words that have...at times seemed completely foreign...but not today...or tomorrow... :)


jwcIII

So...

...in the last 30 years I’ve been fortunate to meet thousands of people...I remember hundreds of them...we all have images...memories that are dear to us...memories created by encounters...acquaintances, friends, and family...memories that engage our souls...memories that haunt us...there are those that prefer to keep them private...I however am not that person...nor do I believe I ever will be...I can tell you that in the last three years since my father has passed I have had more poignant moments...more moments that made me take a breath and look around than in the 28 years before...and it’s a gift...a high price for such important life lessons...so...tomorrow when you wake up...wake up 5 minutes late...or 5 minutes early...sit out front as the cold dew fades to warmth...watch the stars fade and the sun rise...remember...how small we all truly are...what is truly important to you...and live life...for what it is...too short...but oh so sweet...


jwcIII

Grief has the...

...capacity to have two significant affects on the human soul. The first, is the obvious, it can completely paralyze you; however, the second, is the unexpected. Those who have lived through grief...whether it is one significant event or a chain reaction of events that occur for a prolonged period of time can attest to this...

...Grief has the capacity to empower you...you see...grief can be a tool...a source...those who have lived it can tell you...grief can be the fiercest source of energy known to man...if you can harness it as I have...there isn't anything you can't accomplish...this doesn't happen over a day or a week...this takes time...practice...discipline...and committment...it is a hard road...but for me it was my way out...

...but, what do you do in between...before you get to this point...how do you survive...how do you cope...where is your lifeline...is it your friends...your family...work...? How to manage the grief is the problem...but here's the thing...the solution for me...will not be the exact solution for you...grief...like love is very much like a snow flake...no two match...

...grief is disorienting...disorienting isn't a word professionals discuss on a regular basis...we deal with grief in the "short-term", but this is where grief does it's damage...the day my father died...I was in shock...it was as if time itself slowed...people didn't walk as fast...or talk as fast...the wind felt different on my face...the sun hit my eyes with a glare that was foreign to me...

...Heather would later tell me that she felt as though I died the day my father died...she was right...I hated that she was right, I hated that I knew life as I imagined it...as I dreamed about for decades was gone...just like that...never would it be the same...you see...my fatal mistake was that I never planned on not having Dad in my life...and why should I imagine such influential and loving person not in my life...it is quite possible that it was the first and only time in my life that I had been a blind optimist...

...and so there I was...grieving...not knowing that I was sick inside...dead to the world...not understanding the symptoms...lost...and not found...I can not tell you the day I realized I was in over my head...but I can describe to you how I didn't feel...how I felt as though I had been hit over the head and woke up in a box void of light or air...complete isolation and darkness...

...those who were closest to me were the first to be pushed away..."they didn't understand" I thought...but truth is...it wouldn't have mattered what they said or did...I was in a storm...cut off...left to fend for myself in a battle that I wasn't prepared for...a battle that would forever change, not only how I view the world...but how I view myself...

jwcIII

I wanted...

...to share with ya'll what I had written for my father's memorial service...the service was held on April 1st, 2006 and there wasn't anything funny about that day in the least...in all honesty I had always enjoyed a good "April Fools" and for now that would have to wait...





...funny thing about mourning the loss of a loved one is that the funeral really isn't completely about the person who has died...I believe...in all honesty that the funeral is for those of us left behind...something to keep us busy as grief sets in it's grip on our lives...the living...

03-31-06

On behalf of Dad...Mom and I would like to thank everyone for coming...Dad wasn't big on funerals so here we are...remembering him with a memorial...not something we had planned this weekend...but then who ever does...Dad left us suddenly on Wednesday...and while we know that he didn't suffer...none of us were ready to say good bye...and while the truth is that we probably never would have been ready...every one's support this week has made a world of difference...for that we thank you all...

Dad was a family man...a hard working man...and to know him was loving him...simple as that...if you knew him chances are your learned something from him...his personality was contagious...he just had a way about him...he was a role model for my 28 years and I'd imagine some of you feel the same way...While I grew up in a large family...growing up as an only child you initially feel isolated...2 against 1...mom and dad...they were a hard pair to divide and conquer...but a task a 5 year old boy was always willing to take on...as the years past...things changed...the parents and son became more than just a family...they became friends...something that truthfully doesn't happen as much as it should...that is a testament to my parents relationship...they loved and cared for each other for 41 years...

I would tease Dad...41 years..."that's a long time...how do you do it that long"...he would smile and say something like "one day at a time," truth was he loved mom more and more everyday...his eyes didn't lie...

While there are many stories spanning many decades...Dad wanted a short service...so I'm going to share a conversation that Dad and I had last year...In March of 74" Dad made a contribution...his father had been a physician and while Dad pursued a career in Engineering and construction he wanted to make his contribution...so he made the commitment to donate his body to science...I tried to talk him out of it...my last effort went something like this..."Dad...don't you think I've made enough contributions in your name..."he softly, but adamantly reminded me "that it was his contribution...not mine"...something that we were proud to honor this week...one last gift from a man who gave more of himself...than he did for himself...Dad was more laid back than I was...probably because he had a couple of years experience on me...he would tell me I needed to be more patient...and often I would hear him say..."Does it really matter"...something we will continue to live by...Take care Dad..."we'll see ya when we see ya," god bless you dad...from all of your family and friends...you touched us all...

jwcIII